Friday, March 18, 2011

An Ode To Wenger: By An Arsenal Fan (According To The Writer)


The story goes that some Arsenal fan sent his opinion of Arsene Wenger after the defeat on the hands of Manchester United few nights ago. This is what he/she got to say:

Ah, Here He Is...

I would like to take umbrage at all the malevolent, ingrate naysayers criticising our brilliant tactical Oracle, Arsene Wenger.

This is a man who this season, has broken records, and achieved things no other Arsenal manager of the last 25 years has achieved!

Look at these records:

1. Becoming the first manager in Premier League history to toss a 4-0 lead. Which other so-called top manager has achieved such genius?

2. Becoming the first manager in Champions League history to go 90 minutes of a game without a single shot on goal. Some record!

Having been given seven years to build a title-winning side, it's all coming together beautifully now. The Faith has been repaid and Arsene has treated us to unprecedented brilliance this season.

Highlights include...

1. Trailing West Brom 3-0 at home with 20 minutes to go.

2. Becoming the first Arsenal manager in over 20 years to suffer back-to-back league defeats to Spurs!

3. Managing to throw a 2-0 lead at home to Spurs, and lose the game 3-2. Which other manager would you replace him with?

4. Being the only team in the Top Four to lose at home to Newcastle.

5. Failing to win a CL group Arsenal were in total command of after three matches. Do You know of any other manager who could manage this?

6. Contriving to lose a Carling Cup, in which they failed to beat the mighty Birmingham in the final! No other manager could do his job.

7. The nadir of brilliance, managing to lose to a Man United reserve team in which Fergie played with seven defenders and two strikers. The only recognised midfielder they played was the impostor known as Darron Gibson. In Arsene We Trust.

8. Going out of three competitions in 13 days, due in large part to a lack of squad depth and recurring multiple injuries. Groundhog Day is so ingrained at the club now, thanks to Arsene, that he's been renamed Bill Murray.

There's far more evidence of this £6.5 mil a season man's staggering brilliance. Playing Abou Diabolical and Denilson in the same team. Giving Rosicky a new contract. Blaming the ref for losing to Barca. Claiming Arsenal have mental strength, then gloriously claiming they lost to Man U as they lacked confidence....

These are clearly signs of a quite brilliant manager with fantastic tactical acumen, and whose players give 100% for him every game.

Remember, Real Madrid would jump at the chance of hiring Arsene. And they'd definitely let him have seven years to build a side full of Diabys, Denilsons, Almunias, Eboues, Chamakhs, Squillacis, Silvestres, etc whilst winning zero trophies.

Arsene, I salute you. Irreplaceable.

And next August, before the season kicks off, Arsene will once again have proved all the doomers wrong. We will be top of the league by alphabetical order and still in the running for the quadruple!

- Stewie Griffin (Gibson sh**s on Diaby) -

Ouch. Can't say he is wrong though. Hence, I totally recommend some dosage of Vaseline for Arsenal supporters out there.

[Original letter: Football365. Image credit: Steve Calcott, used under Creative Commons license]

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